Relationship Advice: Lessons from the Failed Marriages
Posted: Monday, March 27, 2006
by Alex Mugume
Smart Spouse Publishers
A recent study is revealing the hard facts that one needs to know, in order to unlock the secrets of building a lasting love relationship. This study revealed that marriage is very predictable. It also developed a new decision-making tool that anyone can use, to choose their true lover (from the open range of millions of singles), and show you how-to keep her/him successfully.
This study interviewed over 1,000 experienced adults ranging between the ages of 26 and 80 years old. Among these interviewed adults were the successfully married, the unsuccessfully married, the adult singles who had quit looking for a lover, those who were still trying to find their mates, and a few who had completely changed their sexual behaviors to escape the deep pain that hit hard into their soul. This study revealed all the quality information that has been missing. I will progressively be sharing this incredible wealth of know-how here.
Let me tell you some of what I found. Out of more than 1,000 adults interviewed, 280 adults had failed in marriage. They had a lot of stories and experiences, and I will only share a few of the hard learned lessons they had in common. Note that: the aim of sharing this information here is to empower you to understand how they failed, why they failed, and how you can use their experiences to enable you to make winning decisions to brighten your future. Please, study these findings:
1. At the time of tying the knot, each of those 280 adults believed that their marriage was going to last forever, but that did not happen! They all learned this hard lesson that being good and wanting to be successfully married is not enough on its own, because the success of your marriage truly depends on your husband or your wife. They proved that you cannot sustain a love relationship single handedly it takes two to succeed. And therefore, it is important that you choose a lover who is right for you, and also finds you right to them and I will teach you how to make a winning lifetime decision in the next articles.
2. They all rushed to fall in love, and failed to see the red flags which were right in their faces from the time they started dating. They confessed that they were emotionally attached, and had hoped they would be able to change their former fiancée(s) habits after committing to them. They learned this hard lesson, that you cannot successfully change another person if that person is not willing to change on their own. They also learned that it is not smart to force a mismatch, because it always leads to domestic violence and a future breakup.
3. They all regretted not knowing what they should have known in time, to make the right marital decisions. They were instead consumed by the excitement of the new relationship, the sweet gifts, the new places to visit, and planning their wedding, before truly knowing or evaluating the person they were committing their love to. They learned that regardless of your feelings, it is vital to control your love emotions and target your decisions towards meeting your long term needs.
4. They all confessed that it was a costly experience and wished someone had taught them how to guard their hearts from the wrong person. They learned that their hearts were truly the most precious possession they had. But the other sad discovery was that, many of those whose hearts had been repeatedly bruised, had lost confidence, and preferred to stay as players because they were afraid of trusting or loving anyone again.
5. They were all pained not by the divorce itself, but the fact that their divorce was preventable, had they learned how-to interpret the advance warning signs which they had seen during the pre-wedlock period. They learned that making choices unthinkingly and then hoping for the best, is being reckless with life. You have to know what you are doing every step of the way in choosing the right spouse. You also have to know how-to keep her/him successfully.
Now, here is the good news for the Single person in today’s dating world. Just like you learned how to drive, and so you do not drive the wrong way after seeing the “do-not-enter" signs on the road, you can also learn how-to choose and keep your true lifetime lover successfully. Thankfully, the study developed a decision-making model you will use, to guide you in making smart decisions in building a high quality and lasting love relationship. It has all been documented, to save your heart from future pain and to teach you how-to avoid these common and painful marital mistakes. You do not need to learn these lessons the hard way.
In the next articles, I will share with you the best lessons I learned from those who were truly successfully married, beyond just the rings and living under the same roof. These articles are being written to give you the deep understanding you need, to bring you more fulfillment, and maximum success in creating a high quality and lasting love relationship. Please study this article again, because it is laying the foundation to the best loving skills I will be sharing with you here.
Note: I believe that increased sharing of these study findings and the solutions will reduce the high divorce numbers, domestic violence, and the endless pain that results from a bruised heart. If you are interested in success, you owe yourself this base knowledge. Believe me, learning this best loving skill will save you time, save you money, and make you happier /healthier too. Until next time, I wish you the best love.
Alex Mugume, teaches these best loving skills, and is the author of 3 best value-adding books on relationships. More information about the author, the books, and best loving techniques is available at http://blog.bestlovingskills.com/ Alex is also available for speaking engagements and/or personal consultation. Feel free to email your question to him.
This great article should be made a must read to every single who wants to date right. Article is so informative. It kept my interest, but I want more of this kind of meat.
Sure, very educational and great info.